5 weeks -- still don't know what the hell we're doing.

Lovely little Lorelei is 5 weeks old today, which is hard to imagine -- it seems like both way less and way more than that. She is definitely growing, something that I can tell only because my back is starting to hurt a little bit when I hold her for a long time (more on that later) but is also reinforced when people come by for a repeat visit or when I try to put clothes on her that used to be baggy but now fit or are too tight! She's still definitely in newborn sizes, but I bet that by the middle of July she'll be moving up into her 0-3 month clothes. She just this week needed to switch out of the newborn disposables we've been using and so we've had several small blowouts because her new diapers are just a wee bit big (holding off on the cloth diapers until she hits 10 pounds or we'd REALLY be dealing with leaks -- thank goodness for Seventh Generation in the meantime!) She's still our little munchkin and I can't believe some babies are born bigger than she is at 5 weeks!

Breastfeeding has been going...better. I'm dreading the 6-week growth spurt when she'll become a little barracuda again. I was feeling sick a few days ago and it was amazing how quickly that affected my ability to feed her, but we're back on track now. Anyone who witnesses us mid-feed comments on how unusual it is to have her sitting bolt upright in my lap rather than cradled in my arm, but that's what works for us so I'm just going to go with it. She needs a little booster seat to reach, so I use one of the owls my cousin Adria made for her to sit on while she eats. "Whatever works" is my new mantra.

Our new battle is sleeping. It amazes me that there is so much literature out there on breastfeeding and how important it is for development (obviously, eating is rather a big deal) but there's so little on the importance of sleep! Sure, there are tons of books on helping your child get to sleep rather than screaming at you for hours -- but think about how much research has been done on sleep in adolescents, adults, etc. and how it must be equally true for little babies, too.

Lorelei is a different child when she's well-rested -- she is sweet and compliant and a delight to be around. Unfortunately, she's starting to grow out of her newborn sleep habits -- which means she doesn't fall asleep instantly whenever you put her down somewhere. She also doesn't cry when she's alone in her crib and isn't asleep, which I suppose is a plus in some people's books. Instead, she stares off into space...for hours, if left unattended. Then, after she does sleep for a little bit, she is a total mess when she wakes up again, crying in this pitiful little voice, and then she really struggles to fall asleep (again with the staring) unless forced to, basically, and she wakes up frequently unless she's sleeping in our arms (which, as I mentioned, is increasingly difficult to do for hours at a time!) and needs to be coaxed back down over the next several hours until she banks enough snooze time to be able to fall/stay asleep on her own. It makes for an even more sleep-deprived mom than usual, which is also a really bad scene.

Our doctor said "put her to the breast whenever she makes feeding cues," but I've learned that not all feeding cues are equal. If our little darling girl has just eaten and is instead needing help getting to sleep but is sticking her tongue out at us, feeding her is exactly the wrong thing to do! She has a crazy need to suck on things, especially when she needs comforting, but when that "thing" is nutritive, it sends her digestive system into overdrive and then she keeps herself awake with gastric upset and explosive pooping. So, much to my chagrin, we've started trying a pacifier, but only when she's totally tired and can't sleep and mostly my finger rather than a plastic substitute, unless my arms are really tired or I need both hands to get her to go to sleep. I feel bad every single time I've done it, which is approximately 3 times, but the time I kept trying to feed her instead led to a total nightmare, so we're not doing that again.

Today, I'm trying to put L down in her crib when she is drowsy but not quite asleep and hoping that she'll start being able to snooze on her own -- but checking on her periodically (read: every five minutes, because I'm a nutcase) so I can intervene before the crazy staring episodes start. Wish us all luck!

Lorelei has woken up happy a few times in the past day or so. This video is a little long (sorry) but shows how sweet she can be when she is well-rested!