5 weeks -- still don't know what the hell we're doing.

Lovely little Lorelei is 5 weeks old today, which is hard to imagine -- it seems like both way less and way more than that. She is definitely growing, something that I can tell only because my back is starting to hurt a little bit when I hold her for a long time (more on that later) but is also reinforced when people come by for a repeat visit or when I try to put clothes on her that used to be baggy but now fit or are too tight! She's still definitely in newborn sizes, but I bet that by the middle of July she'll be moving up into her 0-3 month clothes. She just this week needed to switch out of the newborn disposables we've been using and so we've had several small blowouts because her new diapers are just a wee bit big (holding off on the cloth diapers until she hits 10 pounds or we'd REALLY be dealing with leaks -- thank goodness for Seventh Generation in the meantime!) She's still our little munchkin and I can't believe some babies are born bigger than she is at 5 weeks!

Breastfeeding has been going...better. I'm dreading the 6-week growth spurt when she'll become a little barracuda again. I was feeling sick a few days ago and it was amazing how quickly that affected my ability to feed her, but we're back on track now. Anyone who witnesses us mid-feed comments on how unusual it is to have her sitting bolt upright in my lap rather than cradled in my arm, but that's what works for us so I'm just going to go with it. She needs a little booster seat to reach, so I use one of the owls my cousin Adria made for her to sit on while she eats. "Whatever works" is my new mantra.

Our new battle is sleeping. It amazes me that there is so much literature out there on breastfeeding and how important it is for development (obviously, eating is rather a big deal) but there's so little on the importance of sleep! Sure, there are tons of books on helping your child get to sleep rather than screaming at you for hours -- but think about how much research has been done on sleep in adolescents, adults, etc. and how it must be equally true for little babies, too.

Lorelei is a different child when she's well-rested -- she is sweet and compliant and a delight to be around. Unfortunately, she's starting to grow out of her newborn sleep habits -- which means she doesn't fall asleep instantly whenever you put her down somewhere. She also doesn't cry when she's alone in her crib and isn't asleep, which I suppose is a plus in some people's books. Instead, she stares off into space...for hours, if left unattended. Then, after she does sleep for a little bit, she is a total mess when she wakes up again, crying in this pitiful little voice, and then she really struggles to fall asleep (again with the staring) unless forced to, basically, and she wakes up frequently unless she's sleeping in our arms (which, as I mentioned, is increasingly difficult to do for hours at a time!) and needs to be coaxed back down over the next several hours until she banks enough snooze time to be able to fall/stay asleep on her own. It makes for an even more sleep-deprived mom than usual, which is also a really bad scene.

Our doctor said "put her to the breast whenever she makes feeding cues," but I've learned that not all feeding cues are equal. If our little darling girl has just eaten and is instead needing help getting to sleep but is sticking her tongue out at us, feeding her is exactly the wrong thing to do! She has a crazy need to suck on things, especially when she needs comforting, but when that "thing" is nutritive, it sends her digestive system into overdrive and then she keeps herself awake with gastric upset and explosive pooping. So, much to my chagrin, we've started trying a pacifier, but only when she's totally tired and can't sleep and mostly my finger rather than a plastic substitute, unless my arms are really tired or I need both hands to get her to go to sleep. I feel bad every single time I've done it, which is approximately 3 times, but the time I kept trying to feed her instead led to a total nightmare, so we're not doing that again.

Today, I'm trying to put L down in her crib when she is drowsy but not quite asleep and hoping that she'll start being able to snooze on her own -- but checking on her periodically (read: every five minutes, because I'm a nutcase) so I can intervene before the crazy staring episodes start. Wish us all luck!

Lorelei has woken up happy a few times in the past day or so. This video is a little long (sorry) but shows how sweet she can be when she is well-rested!

who's that baby?

Amazingly, me! My head was much bigger and I don't have the cute chin or the wrinkly forehead...but I was surprised to see that, at least in some baby photos, little L and I have some similar expressions.

one month birthday.

Today, Lorelei is one month old. Mom and Dad celebrated by going out for breakfast to the restaurant they ate at when they learned they were having a girl! Grandma and Grandpa took good care of little baby while they were away.

At her 4-week appointment on Tuesday, Lorelei was 8 pounds, 6 ounces and just shy of 21 inches. The doctor says she's growing well ("Not only gaining, but improving in all categories," he says) and looks healthy all around. We're pretty sure he thinks we're the worrying-est first-time parents ever...oh well.

Lorelei likes to squirm and wiggle, so she was not very cooperative for her birthday photo shoot. Here are the best of the pics!

 

the hannas come to visit.

(the last picture is just to show off Lorelei's new monogrammed blanket, handmade by Grandma Sara!)

why lorelei?

Lots of people have asked us how we decided on our daughter's name. Here's the skinny:

Back in December and early January, before we knew we were having a girl, Jason and I compiled a list of names we liked for both genders. We found this site particularly helpful -- it lets you put in names you love and gives you ideas of what else you might like, too. By the time we had our anatomy ultrasound, we had a list of about 10-15 names for girls and a similar-length list for boys.

After the initial shock that we were having a girl wore off, we spent a few days musing over the list separately, then agreed to come back together to discuss our top picks. We came to the table with our two favorite names -- and, lo and behold, Lorelei was in the top two for us both! So we've known that's what we'd name her since the end of January.

Several people have asked if her name was Gilmore Girls inspired. Actually, no! I love that show (Jason used to like it too, even though he probably won't admit it), but it didn't even occur to me until several weeks after we'd chosen Lorelei as her name and then I worried that everyone would think I named my daughter after a television character. And no, we didn't name her after the Styx song, either -- but you are welcome to sing it to her if you think it might help put her to sleep. (Really, anything would be great at this point.)

Her first middle name, Jane, was chosen for a variety of reasons. It's the name of Jason's paternal grandmother (well, sort of...you'll have to ask Jason about the name "Blockhead" sometime) and Jason really wanted to honor his grandmother and his aunt Julie, with whom he lived during his senior year of high school and who has a pretty special relationship with him, by giving Lorelei a family middle name. Jane is also the first name of my favorite author, so I had no objection! And it's one syllable long, which goes well with the rest of her rather lengthy name.

Her second middle name is, of course, my maiden name. When we got married, Jason was fine with me hyphenating (and even legally changed his name to take McNamara as a second middle name for himself so we'd both have a "change"), but he didn't want to saddle our kid(s) with any hyphenations. That made sense to me, but I wanted to pass on my name in some way, so we came up with this as a compromise.

Lorelei will be getting another name this fall when we have her naming ceremony -- but that's still in the works and we haven't decided on just the right Hebrew moniker yet!

happy father's day.

From 2:30am to 4:30am, Jason stayed up with Lorelei (who had been awake since 9pm and refused to sleep) while she fussed and squirmed and sucked on his nipples through his shirt (despite having been fed at 2am) so I could sleep for a few precious hours. She will never remember it, but that's what a good father does anyway.

Happy first Father's Day, Jason -- let's hope we have more of what's pictured below and less of what happened last night, but at least we know we'll get through it together.

(photo editing courtesy Uncle Ross)

in the words of our doula.

Another guest post -- this time from Kim Wheaton, our amazing doula. Below you'll find her version of our birth story and a few of the pictures she took right after Lorelei was born (she pretty much let go of my leg, which she was holding during pushing, grabbed the camera, and started taking photos!). You can also follow this link to see all of the pictures she took, as well as a very sweet video she created of some of the edited shots.

Lorelei’s Birth

5/24/2011

            I got a call from you at around 10pm on May 23^rd, letting me know that your water had broken!  It was over a week before your due date, so this was a little surprise, but you handled it in stride, and decided to stay at home until labor picked up.  Your contractions started a couple of hours later, and at around 4am you and Jason decided to go to the hospital, after having slept only an hour or so. 

            Jason called me at around 5:30am to let me know you were there, and that things weren’t too intense yet.  He called again at 7:30, letting me know that you were dilated to 3cm, and that your contractions were getting stronger.  So I started to head to the hospital, and got there at 8:15.  It was clear that you were in labor—you had to concentrate through each contraction--but in-between you were your normal self.  I could tell, though, that you weren’t looking forward to the hard work that was yet to come.

            Shortly after I arrived you both decided to try and get some rest since you had been up all night.  Jason slept on the pull-out chair while you rested in your bed, which was difficult because your contractions were definitely getting stronger.  After about an hour it was really time to get to work, and Jason stood by your bed coaching you to relax your body as you had practiced during your pregnancy.  This worked well for quite a while, but at around 10:45 you began expressing some self-doubt.  “I don’t know if I can do this,” you said, but Jason did an amazing job reassuring you that you were doing great, and that you could do it.

            You continued laboring in bed, and you also tried sitting on the birth ball a little bit.  You were really nauseous through most of your labor, and having the pink bucket right by your head was a big help to you mentally (though you had trouble expressing that to us!  You were so focused it was hard for you to talk!).  You would also go back and forth between being freezing and really hot.  It was hard for you to get comfortable.

            At around 11:45 you said that you almost wanted to push at the peak of each contraction, and shortly after that you had a super long contraction (probably four or five minutes long!).  At 12:15 the doctor came in to check you and found that you were 5cm dilated, which was disheartening.  The baby was very low, which is why you were feeling like you wanted to push.  She also told you that she didn’t want you taking a shower, which is what we were going to try next to help with your pain.

            After she left the room you expressed more doubt, and told us that you couldn’t do this for hours and hours.  Jason and I were both reassuring—you really were doing an amazing job!  You had to go to the bathroom, and stayed in there to labor sitting on the toilet for about fifteen minutes.  Then you came back and sat on the edge of the bed.  Things were really getting hard, but you got yourself into a great rhythm with your swaying and breathing through contractions.  Jason and I stayed by your side, encouraging you and helping you to relax.

            At two o’clock you decided to lie back down.  You said that it hurt more when you were lying down, but you really didn’t want to move, so you stayed in bed.  “When will this be over?” you asked.  I suspected that you were in transition.  You were also making groans at the peak of the contractions that sounded like involuntary pushing.  I asked if you felt pressure or if you wanted to push, but you weren’t sure what to think, or weren’t able to express it. 

            It was almost three when the nurse checked you and discovered that you were 8cm!  This was great news, and by 3:15 you were almost completely dilated and ready to start pushing.  Pushing was very painful and difficult, and the doctor was saying things like, “push harder!” which really made you mad.  This was actually good because it gave you extra motivation to push your baby out!  Jason stayed by your head while a nurse and I held your legs, and you made good progress with each push. 

            At 4:21, Lorelei was born into the world and placed immediately on your chest.  Relief washed over you as you met your sweet baby girl for the first time.